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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27498982">Unanswered Prayers</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JacobsHunter/pseuds/JacobsHunter'>JacobsHunter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Campaign 2 (Critical Role), Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Heavy Angst, Possible Spoilers, Talking To Dead People, caduceus is heartbroken, i am a cruel writer, no beta we die like men, post ep 99</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 02:34:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,623</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27498982</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JacobsHunter/pseuds/JacobsHunter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Beau was by his side in an instant, the usually stoic woman pulling him to her and rocking him gently. The pain was overwhelming, and he clung to her like a child as he wept. The days spent searching, the sleepless nights, the prayers muttered as he fought to continue searching. All for nothing.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Caduceus Clay &amp; Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Unanswered Prayers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>And here I thought I was gonna write a fluffy fic. Brain said no. Nearly 1700 words of pure angst. Enjoy, and try not to cry!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Weeks</p><p>You’d been missing for weeks now. Caduceus wasn’t sure anymore if you were dead or alive, and he was terrified to ask Melora if you were. His hope was growing thinner and thinner with each passing day. He could barely sleep anymore, his dreams plagued by images of your decaying body. When he did sleep and didn’t dream of you rotting in some forgotten place, he saw you screaming at him, fury in your eyes, asking why he had failed to keep you safe.</p><p>You had to be alive.</p><p>“There is someone by a tree,” Caleb murmured, and Caduceus leaned in closer.</p><p>“How far away,” he inquired, hope and dread somehow existing at once in his heart. “Are they moving?”</p><p>“Sixty feet, and I cannot tell,” the wizard answered. “I can have Frumpkin move closer.”</p><p>“Do it,” Fjord ordered. “Cad, if it’s Y/N…”</p><p>“They’re alive,” the firbolg quickly supplied, though he hardly believed it himself. “They have to be.”</p><p>They kept moving, their pace slow. Jester was right by Caduceus, and for that, he was thankful. If you were close to death, they could save you. She most certainly could. Just another sixty feet, and maybe, just maybe, he’d have you in his arms again. And he’d do better, be better. For you.</p><p>“They are not moving,” Caleb stated. “Whoever this is has been dead for some time.”</p><p>“I’ll go look,” Yasha offered, striding ahead before anyone could stop her. What the cleric wouldn’t give to be able to see through her eyes.</p><p>He quickly noticed the slouch in her shoulders once the group caught up, and Frumpkin quickly raced back to Caleb.</p><p>The smell was the first thing that reached him. Death. The body had been decomposing for at least a week. It was odd that wandering animals had not eaten it unless there was some enchantment keeping animals away.</p><p>“Don’t come any closer, Clay,” the Aasimar called, and he felt his heart drop. Jester’s hand was instantly on his arm as he swayed slightly, and he faintly heard Beau trying to say something. And yet, he felt the urge to check for himself. Maybe Yasha was mistaken. You couldn’t be dead. You simply couldn’t be.</p><p>He strode towards the tree, ignoring everyone, including Veth, telling him not to.</p><p>And there you were. At least, what was left of you. Your skin was grey and dull, your eyes milky, your hair like dry straw. Your throat had been slit, ratherly deeply at that. There was no chance of him or Jester returning you to the land of the living.</p><p>You, as well as any hope he had, were gone.</p><p>“No,” he breathed. “No, no, no, they can’t be…”</p><p>“Whoever took them just… left them here,” Veth commented, her voice choked.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Caleb muttered. Caduceus swallowed thickly, then began digging in his bag.</p><p>“I have to speak to them,” he explained, almost frenzied as he searched for the components. “Maybe they can tell us who did this.”</p><p>“Cad, stop,” Beau ordered gently. “It should be Jester, not you-”</p><p>“I want to do this.” He met her eyes, almost pleading with her to understand. “Please.” The monk sighed.</p><p>“Fine,” she surrendered. He was grateful that the rest of the group had stepped away a bit. “I just… fucking hell, Caduceus, are you sure?”</p><p>“Why are you so against me doing this?” He didn’t mean to sound as angry as he did. “I can get the information we need, and then we can lay them to rest! I know Jester can do the same, but what’s so wrong with it being me?”</p><p>“Cause I’m worried you’ll ask something and wind up hurting yourself, okay,” she responded. “I can tell, just by looking at you, that you’re barely holding it together! You’ve been searching and hoping for weeks, we all have! But you loved them. And I can see it now that you’re blaming yourself for this. You’ve barely slept. For fuck’s sake, let Jester handle it this time. I know she’s chaotic and bubbly, but she’ll take this seriously.”</p><p>He couldn’t argue with Beau. She was right. He was probably the last person who should be speaking to your corpse. But as guilty as he felt, he was equally as stubborn.</p><p>“I have to,” he begged softly. “Please, Beau, just let me. If I do get hurt, it’s my own fault.” She sighed again and gestured to your remains, and he quickly got the spell ready.</p><p>It was strange, he had to admit. It was one thing to perform the spell on the body of a stranger. To do so one someone he knew, someone he loved, felt like a horrible dream. Seeing your form reanimate nearly broke him, but he quickly forced the emotions back. You needed him to keep his feelings out of it.</p><p>“Who did this to you,” he asked, his voice steadier than the pounding in his chest. Your eyes, which had once been full of life, stared back at him. Curse his horrible memory, he could barely remember what color they were.</p><p>“Slavers…” The raspy echo of your voice chilled him to the bone. What he wouldn’t give to hear your beautiful laugh one last time…</p><p>“Why did they kill you?”</p><p>“I fought back… and nearly killed one of their own…”</p><p> </p><p>At that, he nearly smiled. You had always been ready to fight. Always had such a sense of self-preservation. He never imagined it would have led you to this.</p><p>“Where were they taking you?” His voice was starting to waiver. His resolve was failing, and he hated himself for it. Only three questions, questions he could never ask the Wildmother. Maybe he should have let Jester do this, but it was too late now.</p><p>“Shady Creek Run…” Home. You were so close to home. The tears sprang to his eyes, imagining you trying to get away. You were so close to safety, only to have it snatched away.</p><p>“Do you blame me,” he questioned, his emotions winning the fight now. He had to know. It wouldn’t ease his conscience, but it would nag at him for the rest of his life if he didn’t ask.</p><p>“I could never… blame you… my wonderful cleric…”</p><p>He could feel his heart starting to crack. Even though he had failed you, you held no anger towards him. He never deserved you. You were always too good for him, but you had still chosen him. Knowing that you didn’t blame him for your demise only proved how undeserving he was of your love.</p><p>One last question. One last chance to speak to you.</p><p>“I love you. I’ll miss you. I’ll never forget you. Can you forgive me for not being there when you needed me?”</p><p>The tears were falling now. Once you answered him this last time, you’d be out of his reach forever. It tore him apart, and he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to open his heart to another. You were his everything, and he’d never find another to love as deeply as he had loved you.</p><p>“Of course… love of my life… stay alive…”</p><p>Your remains went limp once again, and he felt his heart- no, his soul- shatter.</p><p>Beau was by his side in an instant, the usually stoic woman pulling him to her and rocking him gently. The pain was overwhelming, and he clung to her like a child as he wept. The days spent searching, the sleepless nights, the prayers muttered as he fought to continue searching. All for nothing. He couldn’t even find it in himself to seek vengeance, though he knew the rest of the Nein would. He would have to explain to his family why he was alone when he returned. They’d be heartbroken, even Colton.</p><p>When his tears finally ran out, he found his friends surrounding him in a group hug.</p><p>“We are all here for you, Caduceus,” Caleb offered, empathy clear in his voice. “And we will always miss them. You are not alone in this.”</p><p>“You never were,” Yasha soothed. “We know where these slavers were going. We’ll find them.”</p><p>“But right now, I think we should lay Y/N to rest,” Veth pointed out. “Me and Jester could start digging. Unless you want to do whatever it is you do.” He nodded, and Beau’s tight embrace loosened. He’d have to thank her later and apologize for being a fool.</p><p>“Lay them on their back,” he croaked, his voice raw and weak. “Please. They deserve better than propped against a tree.”</p><p>Fjord and Caleb moved quickly, positioning you on the ground and folding your hands on your chest. Caduceus took a deep breath and cast Decompose. Immediately, your body was overtaken with the most colorful fungi he’d ever seen. So fitting for your personality.</p><p>“Do you want to pick some,” Jester asked softly. “Ya know, for the hard times when you really miss them. Then you can make tea and know that they’re always with you and remember all the good times.” He nodded again.</p><p>“I’d like that.”</p><p>The blue tiefling quickly picked some, enough to last him for days. Years, maybe. He wasn’t sure. He could barely think, and felt exhausted. She carefully tucked them into his bag, following Beau, Caleb, Fjord, and Veth back to the main path.</p><p>“Hey.” He turned, realizing Yasha was still by him. “I’m sorry. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.”</p><p>“Does it get easier,” he inquired.</p><p>“Yes and no. You learn to live with the pain. You take it one day at a time until the memories don’t hurt anymore. Some days are harder than others and it feels impossible. But when those days happen, we’ll be right here for you.”</p>
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